Dire-Hobbits
by justalotoffeelings
Summary: They were both very small the first time they heard about hobbits. Fili, of course, saw it as an opportunity for mischief. So when his little brother asked him, face alight with curiosity, what a hobbit was, there was absolutely no hesitation.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One:

They were both very small the first time they heard about hobbits. Fili, of course, saw it as an opportunity for mischief. So when his little brother asked him, face alight with curiosity, what a hobbit was, there was absolutely no hesitation.

"Kili, shush!" he hissed conspiratorially, drawing Kili closer to his side. "You don't want mother to hear us talking about _hobbits_."

Kili lowered his voice obligingly, eyes widening. "Why must we not let mother hear us? Is there something wrong with hobbits?"

Fili clapped his hand over his brother's mouth, looking around the kitchen furtively, as if searching for danger. Mother and Thorin had moved into the other room, the conversation long since moved on from the brief mention of a 'hobbit-sized sword'. They seemed to have forgotten that it was long past the children's bedtime. "_Shush_!" Fili hissed again.

"What is it!" Kili demanded of him, pushing his hand away. "Fili, tell me what a hobbit is!"

"No, I shan't," said Fili. "I would get in terrible trouble."

"Trouble for what?" Kili's voice grew shrill at his older brother's lack of response. "Fili! Tell me right now or I'll get Mummy!"

Fili contorted his face into an expression of terror, secretly pleased that his plan was working so well. "No! Kili, you mustn't! She'll get angry at me for telling you about…the _dire-hobbits_." He continued in a whisper as Kili's eyes grew round as saucers. "She warned me never to talk to you about them, on account of you getting scared."

"I'm not scared," Kili insisted, tugging on his sleeve. "I promise I won't have nightmares, Fili. _Please_ tell me."

Fili regarded him shrewdly, letting the younger dwarf fret for a few moments. "Alright," he said finally, grabbing Kili's hand and pulling him down the hall. "But don't say I didn't warn you."

They built a fort out of pillows and blankets on Fili's narrow bed, and huddled underneath a sheet with a candle and Kili's tattered teddy bear. There, as the wind howled outside and rattled the shutters against the windows, Fili began to weave his tale, drawing on all the scary stories he'd ever heard from Dwalin and the other older dwarves that sometimes visited. He spoke of a fiendish beast, a dire-hobbit, smaller even than they were, but with claws like razors and teeth that could rip a grown human to shreds in an instant. He spoke of its haunting wail that echoed through the moors in the middle of the night. He spoke, in the quietest of whispers, of its taste for little dwarflings, of the rare occasions it found its way up to the mountains and preyed upon the unwary children there, and of the way these children were never seen again.

As Fili spoke Kili's eyes got wider and wider, and he clutched his teddy bear ever closer to his chest, till Fili was sure the ragged toy was squashed flat. There was not a trace of disbelief on his little brother's face. _Perhaps_, thought Fili, _I have taken this too far_.

Then the bedroom door slammed open, and Kili let out a bloodcurdling scream, and threw himself forward into his brother's arms. Pillows and sheets went flying everywhere as they both toppled from the bed. Thank Aulë the candle was snuffed out in the process.

"And _what,_ exactly, is going on here?"

Fili could not answer his mother for a good couple of minutes. His arms were full of Kili, who had curled up in his lap and was sobbing into his shirt-front, shivering with fright, and he was trying desperately to calm him.

"Shhh, Kili, I was just joking, I promise. There aren't any dire-hobbits, I made it all up. Look, it's just Mummy! It's just Mummy come to check up on us! Kili, I promise I was only joking. Don't cry, Kili, please don't be afraid. I was just joking, and I promise I'd protect you, even if I weren't. Shhh, don't cry, little brother. I won't let anything hurt you."

Dís stood in the doorway with her hands on her hips, watching as her eldest managed to stop his little brother's tears, with only his smile and his touch and the earnest promises of an older sibling. _What treasures I have_, she thought to herself, _greater than any I once had in Erebor_. But her expression remained unimpressed, and she tapped her foot expectantly, because she had to have _some_ semblance of order in her house.

"Well?"

Fili looked up at her over his brother's head. Guilt and regret were written clearly across his face. "I lied to Kili," he said, ashamed. "I told him a scary story about dire-hobbits, and said they would come and eat dwarven children in the middle of the night."

"Dire-hobbits, hm?" asked Dís, with her brows raised. "Where, pray tell, did you draw that one from?"

"I made it up," Fili mumbled. He drew his fingers in lazy circles around his little brother's back, the way that Dís had done to him when he'd been small and afraid of the rats in the ceiling.

"Well," she said with a sigh, "you'd make a right fine storyteller, at least."

Then the floorboards creaked behind her, and Thorin was at her side, looking down at her two boys huddled on the ground. "You've got this sorted out, then?"

"Thorin Oakenshield, I know how to care for my own children without you sticking your long nose into the business."

The heir to the Lonely Mountain cleared his throat and folded his arms, more offended, Dís thought, by the comment about his nose than her tone of voice. "I heard something about dire-hobbits," he said gruffly.

"Mm."

"No such thing."

Kili sniffled and shifted in his brother's lap to look up at his uncle. He had to crane his neck a fair way back; Thorin seemed to loom to the ceiling, taking up the whole of the doorway behind Dís.

"Are you sure they're not real?" he asked hopefully, wiping a sleeve across his eyes.

Thorin grunted.

_Always so eloquent, _Dís thought dryly.

But it seemed to do the trick. Kili climbed out of Fili's lap and up into his brother's bed, leaving it unspoken that he was going to sleep _here_ for the night. Fili lay down beside him. He was still the picture of absolute remorse, and he hugged his little brother tightly to him with one arm, not minding that Kili took up most of the bed.

As Dís and Thorin headed back to the kitchen, closing the bedroom door behind them, they could hear the brothers still talking quietly.

"You promise you'll protect me?" Kili asked with a yawn.

"Always," Fili replied firmly. "I'll not let anything hurt you, not ever, Kili. I swear it."

And when Kili cried out in the night, his sleep haunted by dreams of dire-hobbits, his big brother was there to chase them away.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two:

It was just like Thorin, to appear out of the blue without sending word, and still expect to be served dinner. With two other guests, no less. Dís would've kicked them all out of her house, if she hadn't been so fond of Balin and Dwalin both.

Still, she gave Thorin a solid whack upside the head.

"And where are the terrible two?" Balin asked, eyes all a-twinkle, as she sat them down at the dinner table.

Dís chuckled and threw her hands in the air. "Would that I knew. Probably making trouble in town somewhere, or on their way home to track mud all over the carp–"

The front door burst open, and Fili and Kili toppled in one after another, the elder laughing so hard he could barely stand upright, the younger practically buzzing with energy, a huge grin plastered across his face.

"Mother, you'll never believe what Idín just– _Uncle_!"

The boys rushed over to Thorin and threw themselves at him simultaneously, giving him a hug that would have crushed a lesser dwarf. He sighed, his expression softening into what _might've_ been a smile, and patted them both on the back. Dwalin and Balin laughed.

"I see they haven't changed a bit," Dwalin commented.

"Mister Dwalin," Fili said with raised brows, going over to shake his and Balin's hand, "you'd best take that back! Kili's grown a whole inch since the last time you saw him."

His little brother shrugged modestly, mouth turning up at the corners in his usual impish grin, and straightened so they could see he was almost as tall as his brother now.

"Very impressive," chuckled Balin.

Dís brought out the food and drink, and the conversation barely wavered. Talk turned to the lands outside the Blue Mountains, to the people Thorin and Balin and Dwalin had met since they'd last visited. They spoke briefly of trouble in Gondor, briefer still of a disturbance in Mirkwood, and of someone by the name of Gandalf.

"Gandalf?" Fili said with a frown. "Do we know a Gandalf?"

Thorin grimaced. "I'm sure you will, eventually. He gets around. Met him just outside the Shire, passing through Hobbiton, of all places."

Fili bit his lip in an effort to keep from smiling. "Did you hear that, Kili? _Hobbiton_."

His brother sighed and gave him a shove that almost tipped him off the bench. "Very funny, Fili," he said in mock-irritation. "Bring up the topic that traumatised your little brother till the age of twelve."

Dís laughed. "Remember how scared he used to be, Thorin, when he was just a babby? It used to take Fili half an hour to calm him down after one of his nightmares. _Dire-hobbits_. By Aüle, I still have no idea how you came up with that one up, Fili."

"You ought not to joke about that," Dwalin said seriously.

"Why?" Kili asked, his ears perking up at the conspiratorial tone in the older dwarf's voice.

"Don't you know, boy?" Dwalin paused, staring at him. "Dire-hobbits are real."

Kili went white as a sheet, the meat-laden fork in his hand completely forgotten. He turned to his brother with wide eyes. "But you _promised_," he whispered, horrified.

Fili looked just as lost as he did.

"He's teasing you, Kili," Thorin rumbled, shaking his head at Dwalin. "His sense of humour leaves much to be desired."

Dwalin kept a straight face for another second or so before erupting into explosive laughter. "If you could only see the look on yer face, boy!" he hooted, slapping his knee.

A second later the others were laughing too. (Even Thorin managed a chuckle, but it was more of a cough than anything else).

"You old dog!" Kili cried with a grin, and leapt at Dwalin over the table, catching him in a headlock. "To think you'd do such a thing, to the child you helped _raise_."

For a few moments the bigger dwarf was laughing too hard to retaliate, but soon he had recovered sufficiently to grab Kili by his jacket-front and flip him flat onto his back on the floor.

"I thought it was high time I thanked you for all the practical jokes you and yer brother have played on me," Dwalin said.

Fili wiped a hand across his eyes, still laughing. "Well, you got us good! I was almost as scared as Kili!"

They finished dinner, and Fili and Kili cleared the table. The adults were too busy talking to notice that they seemed awfully subdued.

Too busy laughing to notice Kili slipping out the back door and returning with his hands cupped around something.

Thorin, Balin and Dwalin left just before midnight, with a promise of returning later in the month on their way back from Bree. They each kissed Dís on the cheek, and clasped the boys' forearms. Kili gave Dwalin a bear-hug, commending him on his practical joke with a wicked grin.

Then they were out the door, disappearing into the night.

"Alright, boys," Dís called as she went to finish cleaning up the dining room. "Off to bed with both of you. You've an early start if you want to go visit the forge."

"One second, Mother!" Fili shouted. He and Kili stood with their ears pressed to the front door, waiting with baited breath.

They didn't have to wait long.

Dwalin's outraged roar echoed through the street, closely followed by a stream of very inventive curses. Fili and Kili collapsed in a fit of laughter as his bellow of, "Frog! Frog! Aar_ghhh_, I _hate_ frogs, get it off, Balin!" reached their ears.

Then: "You better bloody run, boys!"

They ran.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three:

Kili got jumpy as soon as they crossed into the Shire. Fili hid his grin and pretended not to notice every time his little brother twitched away from a rustling bush, or stared nervously off the path. It didn't help that the moon was full that night. _Dire-hobbits are especially dangerous when the moon is full, _he remembered telling young Kili.

The road wound on, past rolling green hills and neatly tended fields, till the brothers saw their first hobbit hole, its bright yellow door tucked snuggly under the overhang of a grassy hillock. Soft yellow light shone from inside, the kind of glow that reminded Fili of home. The front garden was full to bursting with wildflowers. A wheelbarrow, loaded with pumpkins and cabbages, was leant precariously against the fence. All in all it was probably the least threatening house that Fili had ever seen.

Kili's grip on his sword didn't loosen.

They continued on deeper into the Shire, as the hobbit holes became more and more numerous, and they were forced to stop nearly every metre to check the doors for Gandalf's special symbol. From inside the houses they could often hear voices, laughing or talking or even singing. Fili found himself getting more and more curious as to what hobbits _looked_ like.

"Evenin'."

Kili jumped a foot in the air and dove behind his older brother with a wild cry, simultaneously trying to draw his sword on the withered old hobbit who had appeared behind them.

"You wouldn't happen to know where the Baggins residence is, would you, sir?" Fili asked mildly.

The hobbit's gaze flicked between the two dwarves. "Uh…"

Kili cleared his throat and shuffled out from behind Fili, trying his best to look casual. "We've been invited to a party," he said gruffly.

"Well," the old hobbit muttered, frowning a bit, "I ain't heard nothin' 'bout no party of Mr Bilbo's."

"It's a surprise party," Fili said with his most winning smile.

"Hmm." He though for a few moments, looking them up and down, and for a second it seemed he would walk away. But Fili's charm won out in the end, and the old hobbit pointed up the path, where the road wrapped itself around the side of a hill. "Mr Baggins lives over thataway, up at Bagend. Dark green door."

"Our thanks, Master Hobbit," Fili said, inclining his head and turning on his heel. Kili followed sheepishly behind him.

They were silent for a while as they ascended the hill. "I'd like to thank you, little brother," Fili said finally, managing somehow to keep a straight face. "I thought for a moment we must be overcome. By the hobbit. The little elderly hobbit."

Kili punched him hard in the shoulder.

As they approached the door, Fili continued in a conversational tone. "It's funny though. Did you notice? When he turned his head a certain way, it almost looked like his eyes were…glowing."

"_Stop it_!" Kili hissed, an involuntary shiver running down his spine.

"Sorry, Kili. I didn't mean to scare you."

"I'm not _scared_." Kili twitched as an owl hooted off to their left. "I'm just…" They reached the front gate of Mr Baggins' hobbit hole and climbed the stairs. "I'm just…" Gandalf's symbol was easily visible on the dark green wood. Fili rapped sharply on the door. Kili's eyes widened just a bit as they heard a raised voice from inside, and someone stomping through the house towards them. "I'm…"

The door swung open, revealing a small, curly-haired hobbit dressed in a patchwork dressing-gown, scowling comically up at them. Kili breathed an internal sigh of relief; he had never seen a more harmless looking creature in his life. Beside him, Fili was smirking.

They introduced themselves ("at your service!") and bowed in unison, and when Kili straightened again his panicked expression had been replaced by an easy smile. "You must be Mr Boggins!" he said.

"Nope!" Bilbo Boggins Baggins said. "You can't come in. You've come to the wrong house." Then he promptly tried to close the door on them.

They made it into the house anyway, eventually, Mr Baggins' continued protests falling on deaf ears, and ran straight into Balin and Dwalin.

"Mister Dwalin," Kili said with a grin, clasping his forearm. The bigger dwarf smiled back at him and led the way to what must have been the dining room, instructing him to pull up some more tables and chairs. Kili helped Fili drag over a desk from the hallway that was quickly relieved of its burden of books and papers.

There was a loud rap at the door, and Bilbo Baggins stormed off to answer it, leaving Fili and Kili and Balin and Dwalin looking at each other around the table.

"So," Dwalin said, raising his eyebrows at Kili. "Hobbits."

"_You_," growled Kili, "are almost as bad as _him_." He stabbed a finger towards his brother.

Fili laughed, grabbed him around the neck with one arm, and ruffled his hair. "You're just so easy to tease, Kee," he said. "And I'm afraid dire-hobbits will never get any less funny."

Then the others arrived, Thorin regally late as usual, and dinner was begun and ended, and talk turned to the Lonely Mountain and to their quest, and Mr Baggins, quite overcome by it all, fainted right in front of them.

"Well," said Dwalin later that evening, once they'd finished smoking and talking and singing, and Bilbo was safely tucked away in his room. "Grab your bedrolls, lads. I claim the couch."

Kili did not fall asleep easily that night. He was almost completely sure it was excitement for the journey keeping him awake, and definitely _not_ the nightmare visions of glowing-eyed dire-hobbits that plagued him whenever he closed his eyes.

_Stupid_, he thought. _You're not a child anymore. Mahal, if you're still afraid of dire-hobbits you should hardly be on this quest._ He frowned and drew his knees up to his chest.

"What are you doing?"

Kili jumped and looked down at his brother, lying in the adjacent bedroll, face barely visible under his mane of sleep-mussed hair. "Nothing," Kili said quickly, and wriggled down into his bedroll.

There was silence for a few moments, and Kili thought that Fili had gone back to sleep.

"You know I'll protect you, Kili. With my life."

Kili glanced across at him again. Fili had propped himself up on his elbows, his face deadly serious. He was not joking now.

"You promised me that same thing when I was less than two feet high," Kili said, half-smiling at the memory.

"And it still stands. I will always protect you."

Kili closed his eyes, still smiling. "I guess you're an acceptable big brother after all."

There was a moment's pause.

"…from the big bad dire-hobbits."

"Oh, sod off," Kili hissed, grinning and kicking him in the shin.

Fili chuckled and rolled over onto his stomach. He flung one arm over his little brother's middle, in what an onlooker would have been wrong to call a nonchalant gesture; from a very young age he'd been aware of the security that Kili gained from physical contact. Even only half awake, he knew what Kili needed.

And with the comforting presence of his big brother beside him, and the reassuring weight of Fili's arm across his stomach, Kili soon fell asleep.


End file.
